I honestly can’t believe I’ve neglected this space for nearly 4 years, when there have been so many occasions where I know I needed it most, as it may have actually helped me.
I can’t even remember how to write properly, so I can only apologise if my grammar is poor and this post makes very little sense. The most I’ve written have been work emails, or lengthy, angry texts! So it’s going to take me a little while to get back into it.
So, where have I been? In a nutshell (with a few car crashes, both in reality and metaphorically along the way); I got engaged, bought a house, bought a dog, became single, sold my house, rented a flat, got into some debt, met someone new, and now here I am!
Life for the past few years has been very, very tough. My anxiety, my sanity, my life struggle has been very overwhelming at times, but I finally feel I’ve turned a corner, and can see things getting back on track.
There are still times where I look back at my life so far and think, what the hell was I doing?! My mental health has a lot to answer for for the choices I’ve made and the people I’ve hurt along the way; from school, to family, from university, to now. I’ve learnt to not live life in regret, as my anxiety knows it’s the best way to self-punishment. I don’t want to live each day in fear of the next panic attack, by letting things eat up inside my head. Not only that; there are only so many times you can say sorry before the word loses all meaning.
I’ll admit, changing my attitude has been the hardest. When you feel swamped in negativity it is so hard to see a way out. Sometimes the hand you’re reaching for, you don’t actually need; I woke up and realised that I could do it all on my own. As cheesy as it sounds, just faking the belief that I was strong enough to do it got me out of a dark place, and for now, I know I am strong enough. *Thanks Cher*
So, all in all,
I’ve learnt to let go.
I’ve learnt that being surrounded by people, if they’re not the right ones, can make you feel so much more alone.
I’ve learnt that the dark days really can’t much darker. To quote Bridesmaids;
I’ve learnt that my twenties were the years of finding out who I was, and have made me who I am.
I’ve learnt that it takes a pandemic to make you appreciate what you have in life, not what others have.
In turn, I’ve learnt that I like my life pretty private, pretty quiet, and pretty simple.
I like to choose what I share. What I don’t, I don’t. That works for me.
If you’re still here to read this, thank you. It’s nice to be back, and old or new, it’s nice to have you here.
P.S The fashion & beauty posts will be back soon…